Ask-A-Boss: #001 Professional vs. Personal
“Hi Naomi! I have a work-related question. My direct supervisor and I are close in age and when I first started my job we loved to pass the time talking about our personal lives. But now I feel like our friendship is crossing the line of professionalism. I really see myself moving up the ranks someday and want to apply myself in the role I have now. That includes being connected to my co-workers but also recognizing what isn’t appropriate workplace conversation, right? How do I undo my mistake of mixing business with my personal life and make my manager see me as a colleague with opinions to be respected rather than a bestie to complain to? ”
Great question, Stephanie!
We have been taught that business is NOT personal but from my experience business IS, in fact, personal. Sometimes we run into coworkers who will respect our privacy but there are others who may use our transparency to throw us under the bus or devalue our contributions as soon as the opportunity presents itself. So you’re right, Stephanie, in seeking to be more pre-cautious with what you share and with whom you share it with at work.
To change the course of your professional relationship, start with deciding what topics will be off limits about your personal life going forward. Suggest topics of your own that won’t default to the usual workplace gossip. You have to set boundaries. Others will not do it for you.
However, if a coworker does use your transparency against you, don’t take it personally. The coworker with ulterior motives is trying to figure out how to progress the best way he or she knows how. And you’re taking a similar approach by developing relationships with your manager too.
That bond you share may be seen by your other coworkers as an unfair advantage but it is valuable leverage. The conversations you do choose to participate in are inspiring trust on the part of your manager. When a new opportunity opens up, he/she will (hopefully) share with you first!
So don't be angry or shy away from your personal work relationships and instead leverage your that relationship to glean information that could be helpful to you and your future.
Get it done,
Naomi